I was in the middle of my prayer time when I received a message from a Facebook friend. It was crazy last-minute, but she wondered if we would consider hosting the 16-year-old son of a friend of hers from Spain for three weeks.
I hadn’t seen my Facebook friend in years, I didn’t know her Spanish friend, and I certainly didn’t know her son. But I knew that I was supposed to do this.
I asked my husband and kids what they thought and they were game. So a week later, we met Lucas. The idea was he would stay with us after his family went home from their American vacation so he could learn more about our culture and improve his English. I thought it would be a good opportunity for my kids to learn about Spain and improve their Spanish.
I figured I would learn some things, too. But I had no idea how life-changing the lessons would be.
#1 We’re not in a hurry.
When Lucas first arrived, we enjoyed using Google translate to communicate. I was frustrated with the slowness of my computer and kept clicking on the same tab trying to get it to cooperate. That’s the first time he told me we weren’t in a hurry. After several more situations in which I found myself frantic only to have Lucas remind me that we weren’t in a hurry, I realized he was right. I wasn’t in a hurry, but I was living like I was.
#2 Why not?
Most of the time if we asked Lucas if he wanted to do something, he would respond, “Why not?” After three weeks of this, I realized that I usually provide plenty of why not’s. See Lesson #1. I’m always in a hurry and don’t feel I have the time to do spontaneous things that would add joy to my life. We would usually laugh when Lucas would say this because it’s such a great response. I want to live in a Why-not way.
#3 It’s perfect.
From our home, to my husband’s physique, to my teen’s driving, Lucas refused to agree to any criticism. He insisted that it was all perfect. I didn’t realize before his visit how often I tell myself and others what’s wrong with life, instead of acknowledging that it’s fine the way it is.
#4 Is it important?
The morning Lucas was leaving, he had on a dress shirt that was wrinkled. I kept insisting he let me iron it for him and he refused. Finally he asked me in all sincerity, “Is it important?” I hung my head because no, it wasn’t. What’s more, I realized that I’ve been in a hurry, refusing to do fun things, because I see imperfections in things that just aren’t important.
#5 I go with you.
Lucas insisted on accompanying me to the grocery store at the beginning of his visit. I assumed his mother had threatened him to be helpful to us, so I wasn’t as impressed by this as I was with the other occasions he wanted to be with us. My husband had to drop us off at the zoo entrance and go off to find parking. Lucas was there telling him, “I go with you.” When my son, Sam, played guitar for the first time at church, Lucas told me he preferred to sit close to Sam. Of course, he pronounced his performance ‘perfect.’ Lucas’s example made me realize how many times I don’t take the opportunity to go with the people I love, whether it’s to help them, keep them company, or to encourage them.
I know why I was supposed to host Lucas. God had some lessons to teach me that had nothing to do with Spanish. God wanted me to know that I’m not in a hurry, that there’s no good reason not to do something fun spur-of-the-moment, that I’m OK just the way I am, that most of what I worry about isn’t important, and that He is going with me wherever I go.
Do you need to learn any of the lessons Lucas taught me?
I was born with soft, paper-thin, peeling nails and never understood why I hadn’t been given the gene for my mother’s gorgeous fingernails.
I never bothered to paint them, because in no time, my nails would tear off and look hideous anyway.
The Search for a Solution
As a teen, I’d heard that Knox gelatin could change my nails. I can’t honestly say I consumed lots of this stuff, but what I did eat didn’t seem to make a difference.
I tried getting expensive salon nails, because I figured I was destined to require them. I was at a dance when mine started flying off, leaving even thinner nails behind.
My next attempt at rescuing my nails was to use a nail strengthener. Over the past 30 years, I’ve used many of them. They always worked temporarily. If I was religious about using them, my nails grew a bit before they were torn off.
The most researched solution I tried was biotin. This vitamin is supposed to make a difference in your nails, but alas for me, it didn’t. My nails continued to be weak, despite taking biotin faithfully.
I was hopeful that I had found the answer, however. Lack of iron is supposed to contribute to poor nails. As I’d been anemic in the past, I figured iron supplements would do the trick. Nope! Layers of my nails continued to peel.
I was ready to give up when I read an article online that gave me the surprising solution to my no-nails dilemma.
How to Grow Your Nails
1. Keep your nails from getting wet. If you wash dishes or clean with wet solutions frequently, wear gloves. I knew that wasn’t my problem. Instead, as long as I could remember, I had put my nails in my mouth. A lot. I didn’t bite them off, but I put them in my mouth as a nervous habit. When I was driving or trying to solve a problem, my nails went in my mouth. When I was most anxious, I chewed them like leather.
2. File away the rough edges immediately. I wasn’t doing this consistently. I put it off, ignoring the fact that rough edges made it inevitable that my nails would catch on something and tear off.
I had to be constantly vigilant to put this advice into action. I had no idea how frequently I put my nails in my mouth! And what’s more, I couldn’t believe that I thought I could chew on my nails and have them be strong. But as I refrained from doing so and filed as soon as I saw any sharp corners or ragged edges on my nails, they started to grow.
My nails had grown before, but this time was different. While they weren’t rock hard nails, they were strong. I could actually tap them on the counter and make noise! And that was without nail strengthener. The photo taken above was taken before I had grown them to their maximum length. Surprisingly enough, I’ve found I don’t like them as long as they can be! I’ve cut myself with them playing tennis. For the first time, I actually have to trim my nails with a clipper. They’re so strong that they don’t tear off. They actually break!
What Does This Have to Do With Changing Your Life?
No, having longer, stronger nails hasn’t really changed my life. What has is what I’ve learned in growing them out. As with so many other areas of my life where I’ve desired change, I spent lots of time looking for the unique solution to growing my nails. I was sure there was some magic potion that would accomplish what I wanted. There wasn’t.
Instead, I learned that most of the time, changing your life means not destroying it yourself. It isn’t that we need a new diet or exercise plan. We need to stop eating when we aren’t hungry. It isn’t that we need a better coupon organizing system; we need to stop buying things we don’t need. I didn’t need to find the right nail strengthener. I needed to stop weakening my nails by putting them in my mouth and chewing them. I was like the foolish woman who tore her house down with her own hands (Prov. 14:1). It wasn’t genetics that had destroyed my nails; it was me.
The solution is often so simple, we don’t see it.
The second piece of advice is like it. Filing away the ragged edges immediately is like addressing life’s problems right away. When we eat those cookies when we’ve already had a filling meal, we need to ask ourselves why and take steps to prevent it in the future. When we come home with a purchase we don’t need, we need to return it right away. It’s like my mama always used to say: “Nip it in the bud!”
If we ignore this wisdom, we will continue living with weak nails and a weak life. We’ll waste our time and money on solutions that aren’t solutions at all.
What about you? What have you tried to grow your nails and change your life? What will you try now?
You keep telling yourself to try harder and you’ll succeed. You feel like you’re going out of your way for people, but you’re unappreciated. You write a blog post and get no comments. You’re not getting what you want and it’s frustrating.
Fortunately, Zig Ziglar was right. You CAN get more of what you want by helping others get what they want. Here’s how.
Often I spent a considerable amount of time writing for this blog, but got very few comments. Meanwhile, I was taking a minute every morning to share a quote or Scripture on Facebook and I was getting what I wanted. Several people consistently told me that they really enjoyed my updates.
Know What Others Want
I realized that I was getting the feedback I wanted because I was giving my readers what they wanted: quick-to-read encouragement. After reading Zig Ziglar’s superb book, Better Than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live, I asked myself how I could get even more of what I wanted by helping people get what they wanted. I was in the shower when I got my answer.
I thought I had the perfect formula for getting what I wanted. I would write brief, inspiring blog posts and I would get more feedback, especially on Facebook. So far, it’s working as I hoped it would. But the biggest surprise has been getting what I want offline, too.
Encourage one another daily… Hebrews 3:13
Before I started the new blog, I didn’t realize that the Bible tells us to encourage one another every day. I felt the Lord was calling me to commit to encouraging someone every day and to record what happened. I call this the Random Act of Encouragement Challenge. It’s changed my life dramatically in just a few weeks. Not only am I getting more positive feedback then ever, but I’m able to deal with crazy-making people so much better. It seems when you really commit to encouraging these people, they’re too shocked to say anything rude.
I can’t wait to share more of my experiences with the challenge in a talk called Secrets of the Spirit Lifters at the Women’s Day of Renewal on March 9, 2013 in Collinsville, Illinois. I would love to see you there!
If you would enjoy having daily inspiration in your inbox, I hope you’ll subscribe to The Inspired Day. As part of your subscription, you’ll receive access to the 13 in ’13 Challenge–a brief Bible study based on Nehemiah that can change your life in less than two weeks. If you’re on Facebook and would like to get encouragement in your news feed, please like The Inspired Day and you will. Twitter users can follow me here, Pinterest users here, and if you’re a Christian writer who would like encouragement, please join the Christian Bloggers Conversation group on Facebook.
Thank you
So many of you have been an encouragement to me over the years by commenting, liking my posts on Facebook, sending me email, or just being a great friend. You’ll never know how much that means to me. I am recommitted to encouraging homeschoolers and Christians who want saner living through Psychowith6. God bless you in the coming year!
What type of person is the most difficult for you to encourage?
My kids had me watch this video and belted out the lyrics with gusto never seen in any other forum, including church. Unfortunately, the tune is so catchy that you find yourself singing it, even when you don’t want to.
Are you singing the same old tune?
This song got me thinking–not about how sad it is that people die as the result of doing stupid things. Rather, it got me thinking about the dumb ways so many of us live.
Eating junk. Sure, it can kill you, but even worse, it makes you feel junky while you live.
Wasting time. I don’t think funny cat videos are a waste of time, but media of any sort that discourages us is a dumb way to live.
People pleasing. I’m not talking about being a simpering fool, but about doing anything simply because someone might get upset if we don’t.
Focusing on anything but the present. Fretting about something that’s already done or is 99% certain not to occur robs us of the joy of life now.
Being self-sufficient. We weren’t created to handle everything ourselves, but to need God and one another. We have so much unneeded stress and experience so little love as a result.
Do you want to live smart?
I know I do! In the new year, I want to make some changes. I want to eat more vegetables, take in more uplifting media, be more purposeful in what I do, focus on the moment, and rely more on God and others.
How about you? Do you have any other examples of dumb ways to live? How do you want to live smart in the new year?
For years, every time I went to the dentist, the hygienist would be on my case about not flossing. I honestly don’t understand why I was once a flossing failure, but I do know why I’m now a flossing fanatic. I changed my habits using a simple approach that can work for you, too, whether your new habit is flossing or something even more important.
No Oprah Moments Required
I didn’t have an emotional breakthrough with flossing by recounting a horrible incident in the dental chair when I was a child. I do like talking about the time the dentist hit a nerve while giving me an injection (it was AWFUL!), however talking it out didn’t get me to floss. Oprah is a case study in the lack of relationship between understanding a bad habit and ending it. So are our pets. You can train your dog to stay off the couch without having him recline on one for psychoanalysis, thankfully. You can develop a healthy habit (or change an unhealthy one) without understanding the roots of your behavior.
Quit Looking for Motivation
I didn’t start flossing because my dentist put the fear of gingivitis in me. I do recall being motivated to floss at one time because I hoped for the approval of my hygienist. When she didn’t praise me for my months of flossing and instead criticized my technique, I quit flossing for years. I don’t know why I started again. Maybe I had something stuck in my teeth? The point is, to change many habits, you don’t need a big reason to do so.
Just Do It. A Lot.
For some reason, I flossed several days in a row. Then I thought about not flossing because I didn’t feel like it. Flossing isn’t fun and I do it at the end of a long day when I’m fatigued. But I flossed anyway. I have no idea why. Then I got serious about the potential of not flossing. While I thought about skipping, I would reach for the floss. By the time I had determined I could skip it “just this once,” I was already done. I was on automatic pilot. I’ve been flossing every night for years now and I can’t NOT do it. Reason or no, motivation or no, just do what you know you should do, day after day.
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it. Genesis 4:7
Rinse & Repeat.
I’ve used this method to change a number of habits. I lock my car with the remote each time to keep from locking my keys in the car. What was once a regular problem hasn’t happened in many years. I also run my dishwasher each night. I can be dead tired, but like it or not, there I am loading, adding soap, and pushing buttons. I am currently using the same method to develop a regular blogging habit. So far, so good!
What habits have you changed with this method or what habits would you like to try it with?
Are you ready for a new show? Fall is when the new television programming starts. Before I was a crazy busy homeschooling mom of six, I looked forward to this. Now I watch a couple of shows that start in January and that’s it. Even so, I get tired of reruns.
This morning I watched a rerun while playing tennis for the first time on a league. I haven’t taken lessons or played regularly in 11 years! I’m not particularly talented, but I enjoy playing and have looked forward to the day that I could join a league. My life circumstances (and my hubby) finally permitted it, so I signed up.
You wouldn’t think a woman who feels comfortable speaking to large groups of people would be anxious playing tennis with three older ladies, but yep. I was. I kept trying to turn off the reruns in my head, but they kept playing. Like it or not (I didn’t), I was ten years old again. I had messed something up in my P.E. class and was then ridiculed mercilessly. I was a kid again, standing there shaking as I waited endlessly for one of the team captains to choose me.
I wasn’t a horrible athlete growing up. That wasn’t what provoked the anxiety all those years ago and that wasn’t what provoked it this morning. My classmates’ critical voices brought on the fear. This morning I could hear them again, flowing from my fellow tennis players’ heads. “Why does she have to be my partner?” “What is she doing playing in a league if she can’t even serve?” “Who does she think she is?”
The more I listened to this imaginary broadcast, the worse I played. The worse I played, the more anxious I got. After a while, I couldn’t hear the kid voices anymore. All I heard was me. “You’re such an idiot.” “Why didn’t you practice more?” “You’re not league material.” My voice was so loud in my head that it drowned out the ladies encouragement of “good shot” and their own apologies for missing the ball.
As I walked to my car, I decided I was really tired of this rerun. I have the dialogue memorized. Tennis isn’t the only place I watch reruns. So often we automatically play the part we played as a child or in a past relationship without even thinking. We assign our friends and loved ones the roles of the nemesis of the past and then act surprised when the resolution of our life story is the same.
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a new show. Next week’s tennis league will be the premiere! I’ll let you know how it rates.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
